I’m not kidding. I know this sounds like a joke, but this is legit. Their mascot, from all the information I can gather, will be these guys:
For those of you who have not kept up, the Redskins finally succumbed to pressure from ALL CIVILIZED SOCIETY to abandon their horribly offensive nickname.
I can think of only two scenarios as to how the Washington Football Team arrived to this offensively bland new name. The first, and frankly more likely, is that one of the more alt-right minded executives in the franchise is attempting to troll the political correctness that led to their name change by saying “this is the only thing that won’t offend anyone.” It is wrongheaded, and there are numerous mascots that would have been perfectly operable.
A second scenario involved the team hiring an overly critical public relations firm and went something like this:
Snyder: What about the Washington Cougars?
Consultant: We think that might be offensive to middle aged divorcees.
Snyder: Hmm, ok how about Panthers.
Consultant: Possibly misconstrued as anti-African American. We don’t need to take that chance in this period of BLM.
Consultant: Body positivity.
Snyder: Fuck it. Human Beings. How about that. How about the Washington FUCKING Human Beings?
Consultant: The Show Community already did that.
Snyder: FOOTBALL TEAM GODDAMNIT!
Either way, as a Dallas Cowboys Fan, I look forward to the Washington fans being forced to chant “Football Team! Football Team!”