5 Things I Did Instead Of Just Saying Hello To The Cool Girl In My Building

1. Make Weird Face At Her At Anvil
You know that squinty, quizzical face you make when you can’t quite remember where you know someone from? First, stop making the face before they see you. Second, once you realize it’s the love of your life, go say hello.

2. Mumble “Thank You” For Handing Back Pen That Friend “Accidentally” Dropped In Her Path, Then Laugh-Yell At Friend
Who doesn’t enjoy feeling like they’re being made fun of by strangers!

3. Read In Neighborhood Coffee Shop I Don’t Care For In Hopes That She Might Come In
Not my worst plan, on paper, but flaws in execution include (1) choosing as my prop book a giant 650 page tome (like a dumb person trying to appear smart, which . . . wait); (2) having that tome be the Complete Short Stories of Hemingway (chicks dig self-medicating misogynists!); and (3) not actually saying hello when she did miraculously walk in!

4. Imagine Our Life Together
The same stupid pen friend – she of the fiasco in #2 – would call any stranger I fell in love with a hooker as our little joke. But it occurred to me that it might be awkward to explain that nickname to Cool Girl when we finally started dating. I mean it’s a tame inside joke, but still, it wouldn’t be a great part of our meet-cute. It would always be at the start of the bohemian life we would carve out together. Although, who knows. Maybe we don’t last more than a couple of years – I don’t take the future seriously, she has an inflexible picture of the life she is “supposed” to have, I love her when she’s stopped loving me, she falls back in love with me after I’ve moved on. But you know that would be fine, too. Just to have been able to spend some time with her. “I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you,” and other Bright Eyes sentiments, etc. At least it might exercise the regret of not trying to talk to that punkish french girl at the laundromat in Paris who kept joking with me in french while I laughed and pretended to understand. But I digress. The point is that I definitely should have spent hours thinking about stuff like this instead of just saying hello to the Cool Girl in my building.

5. Not Compliment The Flower In Her Hair While Riding Elevator One Day
Eh, she was talking with friends. Would have been rude. Also, I’m afraid of elevators.

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